Yippy i-Yay motherfucker! Here’s hoping Willis takes on Apple with a vengeance

(NOTE: Since the time of writing it would seem Mrs Willis has allegedly denied this story, while some are claiming the original story’s premise isn’t even true if you read the iTunes terms and conditions. I’m not sure which I struggle most to believe – that The Daily Mail got a story wrong (say it ain’t so…); that Mrs Willis actually uses Twitter; or that anyone has ever read the iTunes T&Cs. Gotta love the interweb eh?)

News reports today suggest the world’s premium bald action dude, Bruce Willis, is set to take on his toughest assignment yet: taking the shine off the big Apple.

I’m not sure how many of you may know this, but it turns out all those ethereal tunes you’ve downloaded from Apple’s little corner of the interweb aren’t actually yours at all – you’re just borrowing them.

It seems our Bruce wants to hand on his multi-thousand-dollar collection of Appley music files to his kids when he passes on (not that I think he can actually die, unless it’s at the hands of Chuck Norris); something any person with an ounce of good in them would of course deem perfectly fair and right and good. But not the iGuys.

When you pop your clogs, all those tunes go back into the possession of good ol’ Apple, which can freeze your iTunes account while dancing on your grave and blowing raspberries at your weeping family (not that it would, of course). And yes, that also includes your iApps, iBooks, iKitchensinks etc.

Of course, while sickening, it’s hardly surprising. Despite Steve Jobs’ tidy beard and fatherly smile, we all knew all along that Apple wasn’t exactly a force for good; it’s a profit hungry multinational corporation that charges way over the odds for well designed (if technically a bit shonky sometimes) products we don’t need. We only have ourselves to blame when it bites us on the ass.

Luckily, for a change, I’m not a victim of this crime of capitalism. And the reason is, ironically, I’m just way too much of a capitalist to buy into the idea of ‘paying’ for music, in the form of fresh air, if the musicians aren’t there performing it. I want a damn thing, damnit.

While being a big fan of my iPod Touch – in fact I’m currently in the process of considering upgrading to a newer model despite their shoddy treatment of Bruce almighty – I simply can’t stomach the thought of putting my hand in my digital pocket to buy an MP3. Hell, I won’t even subscribe to Spotify. I’ll burn a CD, but that’s as far as I’ll go.

I was born in 1970, which means I grew up into the dying embers of scratchy (yet prurdy) vinyl, the slow painful whir of cassette and the shiny, special goodness of the CD. For me, the CD was the pinnacle of recorded music: smaller than vinyl yet still round and loveable, it was skippable, durable and lasted forever (well, ish).

I do tend to move with the technical times, but for me – when it comes to buying MP3s – it simply wasn’t advancement. I understand digital game downloads and streaming cinema, but music is to own, to cherish, to pour over the lyrics of, to admire the art in, to alphabetise, categorise and fill endless shelves with.

I hope with every sinew that Willis takes on the might of the greedy bloody Apple – and hope just as much that it backs down and feels thoroughly ashamed of itself. But I also hope this makes a few million people start to get their arses back out to gigs and to independent ‘record’ shops, to start listening to live music and buying CDs.

The world is invariably a better place thanks to the internet and other digital and technological advancements. But as with everything you can take things a little too far – and for me, iTunes music is that lazy, soulless step beyond.

8 thoughts on “Yippy i-Yay motherfucker! Here’s hoping Willis takes on Apple with a vengeance

    • Well, when Mr Willis denies it too, I’ll put a little disclaimer at the top of the page 🙂

      I don’t really ‘do’ news – I just read about things and spout off about them. If it turns out to be false, so be it. It’s not the first time someone was wrong on the internet…

  1. Nicely written though the whole Willis thing is a fuss over nothing. Buy off ITunes, back it up somewhere, delete it off iTunes. Simple, surely. How can Apple have any claim over it?

    Confused

    Exeter

      • iTunes music has been DRM-free since 2009 … and — unlikely as it may seem — Steve Jobs was pushing for a DRM-free music industry for a long time before that… albeit not entirely altruistically (his opinion was that adding copy protection to music was difficult and expensive, but ultimately ineffective …so why bother?). Check out the following ‘open letter’ to the industry written in early 2007: http://www.apple.com/fr/hotnews/thoughtsonmusic/

        (urm, yeah… a somewhat delayed reply — I only remember to check your blog when a new post pops up in my RSS reader! 😉 )

        • It’s not about DRM, it’s about compatibility; from musical formats to chargers – and I’m sure you know that. Apple has spent a lot of time going out of its way to make sure its things – be they physical or digital – don’t comply with other things. While it makes sound marketing sense, it’s obnoxious and elitist to the rest of us non-Apple loving consumers. And even the most fawning Apple zealots I know hate iTunes; it’s just a fact.

      • The point I was trying to make (perhaps badly) is that your comment “iTunes tracks only work on your Apple products” is wrong. Once the DRM was taken out in ’09, the music sold through iTunes reverted to being bog standard AAC files.

        AAC isn’t an apple format. You can play AAC files on pretty much any half-decent audio player… be that android, windows, blackberry, web os, sony, nintendo… whatever. AAC files sound better than MP3s, are smaller than MP3s, and don’t have the patent/licensing issues that MP3 are burdened with.

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